


you untie me as if i were a shoelace

by seeingrightly



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 12:07:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16174763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seeingrightly/pseuds/seeingrightly
Summary: No one’s ever actually taught Neil, though. Andrew suspects they like doing it themselves, each of them in their own way. Some of them like the excuse to get close to Neil, who isn’t physically affectionate; some of them like when Neil asks for help, because it’s rare.Andrew isn’t prone to speculation or paranoia, but he finds himself wondering if there was another motivation. He wonders if it was all leading to this: Andrew and Neil, getting ready for Nicky’s wedding in their hotel room, Neil staring helplessly down at his tie.





	you untie me as if i were a shoelace

**Author's Note:**

  * For [punkpadfoot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkpadfoot/gifts).



> this is for [cait](https://www.cptlovelace.tumblr.com), who requested my version of andrew tying neil's tie before an event and i made it weird instead of soft
> 
> title from "just the past" by peter bjorn and john

 

 

 

Andrew’s been watching other people tie Neil’s ties for several years.

Before Neil’s first banquet, Kevin had pulled it too tightly around his neck, taught with both of their nerves. Matt and Dan had gently taken over for subsequent banquets, until they graduated. Nicky would pretend to help get Neil ready for press events, talking endlessly until Allison shoved him out of the way to do a better job. Wymack, before his own wedding, had tied Neil’s tie, grumbling about when Neil would learn how to do it himself.

No one’s ever actually taught Neil, though. Andrew suspects they like doing it themselves, each of them in their own way. Some of them like the excuse to get close to Neil, who isn’t physically affectionate; some of them like when Neil asks for help, because it’s rare.

Andrew isn’t prone to speculation or paranoia, but he finds himself wondering if there was another motivation. He wonders if it was all leading to this: Andrew and Neil, getting ready for Nicky’s wedding in their hotel room, Neil staring helplessly down at his tie.

Neil picks up his phone.

“We’re gonna be late,” he says.

“Nicky will be later,” Andrew replies, finishing up his own tie.

He can’t quite take his eyes off the one held absently in Neil’s other hand. There’s no time for Neil to try to do it up himself and ruin it. There might be time for someone else to do it once they get to the venue.

Andrew has to decide whether he would rather deal with everyone knowing he tied Neil’s tie, or everyone knowing he refused to, as they watch someone else do it. He should have sent Neil a Youtube tutorial.

“Do you have everything?” Andrew asks, grabbing his own phone and wallet and shoving them in his pockets.

“Yeah,” Neil says, doing the same, looking down at the tie in his hand again as they head toward the door.

They make it into the elevator before Andrew changes his mind. The doors slide shut and he reaches over, grabbing the tie and moving in front of Neil. His expression doesn’t change, but Andrew can tell that’s because he’s trying very, very hard to keep it that way. He lifts Neil’s collar and slips the tie underneath, working quickly to loop it and tuck everything into place, his touch not lingering at all.

“Thanks,” Neil says, with just a hint of self-satisfaction, once Andrew has stepped away.

“Be quiet,” Andrew says.

Neil does, for once. They are a little late, and Nicky is later. He serves as a strong distraction from anything other than himself, already on his way to drunk and weepy, nervous and excited. 

“Can you keep it together for ten more minutes?” Aaron asks irritably as he adjusts Nicky’s jacket.

He keeps herding Nicky where he’s supposed to be, taking charge of keeping him under control, for the most part. Neil watches with a combination of mild amusement and sympathetic stress. He and Andrew haven’t done anything useful since arriving. Andrew’s not sure why they had to arrive earlier than everyone else, because there’s no wedding party. The ceremony is going to be just big enough to justify all the traveling required from Nicky and Erik’s family and friends. The staff seems to have everything under control except calming Nicky down, and Andrew and Neil certainly weren’t requested for that effort.

Eventually, Aaron shoves Nicky into a small room and heads into the hall for the ceremony. The Foxes are all seated together in two rows, and Renee waves them over. Andrew sits next to her and looks around the hall. Nicky’s parents weren’t invited, but he recognizes Erik’s from pictures. He watches them carefully. They seem happy, emotional. They don’t send up any red flags.

The ceremony is short and filled with crying.

“I’m so happy for him,” Renee says more than once, quietly enough that Andrew might be the only one who hears it.

People file slowly into the adjacent hall for the reception, and the Foxes converge at their table. There are a few speeches and dances that Andrew doesn’t pay attention to. As the distractions ebb away, he begins to wait for reactions to Neil’s tie.

Around the hall, as the food arrives, people start removing parts of their outfits. Andres takes off his jacket, and so does Neil. After a bit, Neil reaches up to loosen his tie.

Across the table, Dan’s eyes track the movement, and then she looks over at Andrew, who’s watching her. She doesn’t startle, doesn’t change her expression, just looks at him for a long moment and then looks away. She hooks her arm around the back of Matt’s chair, looks up at him with a smile that might be meant for him, or might be an intentionally delayed response to Neil’s tie.

Andrew takes a long sip of his drink. He’s not angry, but he might be soon.

A few minutes later, Matt looks over and when his eyes find Neil’s tie, his expression turns fond. He doesn’t look over at Andrew; he might just be thinking about tying it himself in the past. Andrew doesn’t have any particular feelings about that, but the fact that he’s tracking these moments, that he’s nothing what anyone else thinks, is frustrating.

His relationship with Neil isn’t a secret or an embarrassment. But it is Andrew’s one open vulnerability, something he can’t entirely protect or tuck away, an obvious opportunity for others to affect him with their words or actions. He’s grown used to that, for the most part, but this particular circumstance has been a long time coming, and had dug into him back when he wasn’t used to it at all yet.

It’s not a new vulnerability, but it was when it was formed, and it takes him back there, a bit, leaves him more attuned to the reactions, and more frustrated by his awareness.

It’s easy, once dinner is over and the dancing starts, to slip out onto the balcony and smoke. Neil will know what he’s doing and will join if he wants. There’s an instinct, from an older version of himself, to avoid anyone from the team for the rest of the night. He easily could; who would stop him?

Andrew has known better for a long time now than to have that kind of thought, because Neil immediately joins him on the balcony. He leans next to Andrew for a while, not saying anything or looking at him. Andrew waits.

Neil reaches up to his loosened tie and undoes the knot completely.

Andrew flings his cigarette from the balcony.

Neil pulls the tie off completely and shoves it into his pocket.

Andrew lights another cigarette and sticks that in his mouth. After a pause, he offers the box to Neil, who takes his own and lights it and stands there with him until he actually finishes this one.

“You’re lucky today,” Andrew says, dropping that one off the balcony too for good measure.

“Am I?” Neil asks.

“You knowing what’s bothering me and doing something about it is less annoying than the thing that’s bothering me today,” Andrew says.

“That is rare,” Neil agrees.

Andrew’s not sure if it’d be better or worse if Neil was smug about it; then Andrew could channel his feelings somewhere deserved. He doesn’t want to be having any feelings at all, is the problem, and today Neil’s helping remove what’s causing them. He’s doing it through a simple action, barely even a gesture. That is, Andrew thinks reluctantly, what he needs.

“Erik’s parents want to meet you,” Neil says after a bit, waiting a little longer before he continues, “Aaron told them they don’t.”

“Did you speak to them?”

“Not really,” Neil says. “They talked to people near me. They seem to really like Nicky. I think they’re good to him.”

Neil’s looking at Andrew. Neil already knows that Nicky’s safety is, for complex reasons, important to Andrew. He knows that it’s a matter of safety, not happiness. Andrew doesn’t have to pretend this doesn’t matter to him, and if he tried, it wouldn’t work anyway.

He nods.

“Cake is soon, by the way,” Neil says, stepping away from the railing. “You want me to grab you some?”

Andrew wonders, sometimes, what it’s like to have to correct responses to normal things. What it’s like to respond to that kind of question with appreciation, with warmth, rather than anger at the presumption, fear at being known. What it’s like not to prefer when he has no reaction at all.

What he feels now, though, when Neil asks this, doesn’t simmer as hotly as what he’s been feeling all day. This time on the balcony has, in truth, calmed him.

He takes a step toward Neil. He thinks about raising his hand to the base of Neil’s throat, bare where his tie used to sit snug, secured by Andrew’s hands. He keeps his hands to himself.

“No,” he says, and Neil understands.

He turns to head back inside, and Andrew follows him.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr at [ch3ry1b10ss0m](https://www.ch3ry1b10ss0m.tumblr.com)


End file.
